Things for Which I Will Not Apologise

1. All of our cats have fictional back stories and personal lives which have been invented and embroidered by myself and MG. Including Willa's long-anticipated screenplay "The Skrakening," which she's constantly trying to get me to pass onto an agent, and her blog, which is mostly a thinly-veiled attempt to stir up interest in same.

2. I wear a lot of pink, lilac and green. In fact, when I moved out of Chicago, I gave away almost everything that wasn't one of these three colors, with the exception of some neutral pants, skirts and shoes.

3. I groove to grocery store Muzak. Particularly if it is a cover of "We Built this City" by Jefferson Starship.

4. I believe in talking about the positive before the negative.

5. I also believe in talking about the negative in terms of a problem to be solved, not a grievous crime for which there can be no adequate redress.

6. I believe in not saying anything if the topic under discussion falls outside of my area of expertise/taste/preference.

7. I leave tips that make the server question my sanity.

8. I listen to young adult novels about sexy vampires and troubled wizards on my iPod. Sometimes, I will go on extra long walks, just to squeeze in a little more alone time with a troubled wizard.

9. I like Disneyland. Specifically, I like Space Mountain. My only regret about our wedding is that it wasn't held on Space Mountain. That would have been awesome.

10. I make up lyrics for songs both real and imaginary. For example, the theme song to the HBO series "Rome" begins "Two centurions! In Ancient Rome! They fight crime! In Ancient Rome! One is really noble! One is a fuck up! In Ancient Rome!" The bridge continues "Watch out for tricky Atia! She will poison you in your sleep. And no one will ever know, except for..." (Chorus resumes) "Two centurions! In Ancient Rome!"

11. I also have songs for "House," "Dr. Who," and "Blake's 7."

12. I always get my car washed at a place under Century City Mall, even though it's probably $5-10 more expensive. Because they have a clear menu of car washing options, and because I like hanging out in malls much more than dodgy car wash waiting rooms.

13. In sixth grade, I made up a fake boyfriend, but I used the name of the cute actor on "The A-Team," Dirk Benedict (also cast as the original, Han Solo-esque Starbuck.) I thought this was incredibly slick and no one would ever put it together. My friend Beth figured it out inside of five minutes.

14. I once drove a car with a broken fan belt until the engine caught fire and melted into a solid block of metal. In my defense, I had been told that it merely had a coolant leak, and if I kept the anti-freeze topped up, I'd be fine. That's the one and only car I've ever killed, but it weighs on my conscience like a smothered puppy.

15. I enjoy a White Russian and avoid bars that cannot make one.

16. I bring my own white cheddar sprinkles to the movie theater and put them on the popcorn.

17. I will go to a theater for a movie I'm not that interested in if I know the theater puts real butter on their popcorn.

18. In high school and college, I ate White Cheddar Cheese Wheatables while I wrote stuff for class. When Keebler discontinued them, I had writer's block for several years.

19. I only discovered last week that a bully will back down if you stand up to him. Previously, I had assumed that it was also possible to outwit them through niceness. It's not.

20. Apparently, I am capable of standing up to bullies. I never used to be. I can't think what changed, but it's neat. Like I woke up one day and could speak fluent Spanish.

21.I enjoy a good cardigan.