The first draft of my thesis is done

The sweetest eight words in the English language right now. Also rans would include: "Hey, let's open this bottle of Veuve Clicquot" and "Season Three of Doctor Who starts tomorrow night."

It would be nice if by "thesis" I meant a short academic work, such as might be published by a prestigious university press, or even a collection of short stories, such as is often produced by graduates of the Iowa Workshop. But no. In my case, thesis means a 120 page screenplay. (And the 120 part is already a problem--my professor was very firm that the screenplay should never be more than 110 pages long. No, don't ask me, I don't know either. But I admit, she has a point. Since I started applying for internships, I have yet to do coverage on a script that was more than 111 pages long.)

But for the moment, I am relieved and ready to let go of it for a while. Ha, actually, I woke up this morning wondering if I could turn the thing into a novel after graduation. But aside from that, I really am ready to take a break.

For the record, this was, essentially, my creative process for the last two months:

1. Write up a list of everything that has to get done, and the day it's due.
2. Panic.
3. Surf on the internet for six hours.
4. Count number of days until I qualify for a discounted Treo from my cell phone provider.
5. Review the list.
6. Begin work on the most pressing project.
7. Focus obsessively on the most pressing project, such that I spend six days writing a 12 page paper on Cary Grant, despite having some 200 pages of scripted material to produce in the very near future.
8. Eat Thanksgiving dinner.
9. Refuse to open bottle of champagne for Thanksgiving dinner because "champagne is for people who meet deadlines." Open bottle of prosecco instead.
10. Revise footnotes on paper after drinking half a bottle of prosecco with Thanksgiving dinner.
11. Undue post-prosecco footnote revisions the following morning.
12. Revise the list of everything that has to get done and the day it's due.
13. Panic.
14. Surf on the internet for six hours.
15. Realize I now qualify for discounted Treo from my cellphone provider.
16. Refuse to buy phone because "Treos are for people who meet deadlines."
17. Refuse to attend any movies, social events or optional activities that might release some tension and remind me why I'm film school in the first place.
18. Review the list
19. Begin work on the next most pressing project.
20. Despair that this project does not live up to my expectations.
21. Make bargain with self that this is only a first draft, and maybe there will be time to revise it before turning it in.
22. Turn it in, unrevised.
23. Casually ask professor if he plans to read the draft right away. Upon learning that he's not reading the final projects until the weekend, promise him a revised draft by Sunday afternoon.
24. Spend entire weekend massively revising script.
25. Send revised draft to professor at 9:47 p.m. on Sunday night.
26. Revise list of everything that has to get done and the day it's due.
27. Realize list now consists of one item, the second 50 pages of my thesis screenplay.
28. Realize I have no interest in writing my thesis screenplay.
29. Panic.
30. Surf on the internet for six hours.
31. Break down and see "Casino Royale."
32. Remember what I liked about my screenplay in the first place.
33. Rewrite entire first act of screenplay.
34. Realize this means I now have to write the last 75 pages of my thesis screenplay.
35. Get started.
36. Start to feel better about myself.
37. Come down with a cold.
38. Take cold medication.
39. Keep writing.
40. Become very confused by my own script outline.
41. Take cold medication.
42. Have disturbing dream in which the actor who played Swearingen on "Deadwood" expresses interest in a part in my screenplay.
43. Swear off cold medication.
44. Keep writing.
45. Drink my weight in orange juice.
46. Sleep for 14 hours.
47. Wake up and read what I have so far.
48. Start fixing plot problems.
49. Discover that Final Draft has become horribly buggy and changes formatting if I so much as breathe on it.
50. Start writing my revisions on electronic stickies and pasting them into the main document.
51. Realize I need three more scenes and you're done.
52. Write two scenes.
53. Try to copy them into the main document.
54. Lose two hours work when Final Draft crashes before I can hit "paste."
55. Re-write the two scenes.
56. Write the last scene.
57. Paste it into the main document.
58. Try to print.
59. Track down the 36 formatting errors Final Draft has found.
60. Fix the 36 formatting errors.
61. Try to print.
62. Put paper in the printer.
63. Print.
64. Put studs through the 120 page document.
65. Worry about my professor's reaction to the length of my thesis.
66. Put script in FedEx box.
67. Write professor a note.
68. Put note in FedEx box.
69. Drive to professor's house.
70. Leave script inside professor's screen door.
71. Drive to Jerry's Famous Deli and pick up corned beef sandwich, large bowl of matzo ball soup.
72. Drive home.
73. Eat corned beef sandwich, most of the matzo ball soup.
74. Sleep.