From the Desk of Kate the Irascible

My beloved olive green J. Crew stretch city fit chinos are starting to return to their basic molecular structure. It was bound to happen -- since the first season of "Project Runway," and Jay McCarroll's habit of wearing bright pink oxfords with fatigues, they've been in very heavy rotation.

The problem is that for the last year, J. Crew stretch city fit chinos haven't had decent pockets. Just useless little divots sewn into the waistband, not even big enough for a building pass. (And if you try to wedge a building pass in there, it will pop out the first time you bend at the waist.) Pffft. I should know, I own a pair, and every time I wear them it's a living hell. Worse, they do not sell any other stretch chinos, in olive or any other color.

Yes, yes, I know there are other stores that sell pants. But these fit my non-16-year-old body, unlike pants sold by a certain company that rhymes with Blaberboney and Ditch. And they're well priced, unlike my lovely but hugely expensive pants from, shall we say, Mince. And they hold up pretty well despite repeat washings -- yeah, I'm looking at you, Ranana Bepublic.

So, at long last, I gave into my greatest weakness, my deepest, most intractable addiction: My fondness for writing the cranky letter. To wit:

Dear J. Crew,

I have been waiting for the pocket-hate to end, but as your spring line shows no signs of improvement, I had to write.

I have been a loyal J. Crew customer for the last ten years or more -- I coveted your sweaters when I was a freshman in Madison, WI; I bought your career separates when I started my first job in NYC. Literally, your products make up close to 75% of my wardrobe.

That will change in the near future if you do not stop selling pants without functional pockets. No, wait, let me clarify: I'm not buying any more city fit stretch chinos until you give them decent pockets. Those tiny coin pockets in the waistband do not work at all. To be blunt, they suck.

I like your city fit trousers, but to be honest, I would buy any pair of machine washable pants with a little bit of stretch to them. But for some reason, month after month, your only stretch chinos are these city fit trousers with, frankly, shitty pockets.

Just to give you some background, I work as an assistant in Los Angeles. It's an incredibly demanding job, with work weeks that range from 60 to 80 hours. I have to crawl on the floor to plug in laptops. I have to eat lunch out of a carton while taking notes at a meeting. And I need to do all this and more while looking like a presentable, trustworthy human being.

In short, it's the kind of job that many, many of your customers take as they leave school. And all of us need good looking, machine washable pants that stretch when we move -- and we need them to have pockets that can hold car keys, a pen, even just a security badge without said item popping out onto our laps when we sit down.

I notice that you do not sell men's pants with such useless pockets -- very likely because no man would ever buy them. Women, wanting to look presentable, will occasionally buy something that isn't perfect because it's better than nothing. But no more. Until you fix this pocket situation, I am spending my money in the Vince department at Saks. True, I will only be able to buy one pair of Vince pants for the price of three pairs of J.Crew pants, but at least they'll have frickin' pockets.

Yours in irritation,

Me

Will this turn J. Crew around on the whole pocket situation? Will I be forced to keep my word and switch over to the appallingly expensive Vince sneaker pants? Stay tuned!