Get Up On, Vol. 1

"Breaking Bad" on AMC. Holy crap, you are an awesome show. I can love you with the pure, untainted love of someone who has not seen your next seven episodes beaten out on white boards. "Breaking Bad" is like the smoking hot Argentinian who hooks up with your on-again-off-again Significant Other when the S.O. studies abroad for a semester. You'll get back together when the S.O. comes back next September, but in the meantime, it is very flattering to realize your Significant Other has such awesome taste -- and is also so personally attractive that the S.O. can attract the attention of smoking hot Argentinians.

(In this metaphor, "Breaking Bad" is the smoking hot Argentinian; "Mad Men" is the sophomore at Bryn Mawr; AMC is the junior at Yale you met last summer when you interned at HBO; I am the roommate who buys bottles of Ballatore with my older sister's ID and happily sits up all night discussing whether AMC looks more like Kyle McLaughlin or Scott Bakula.)

"The Sarah Connor Chronicles" on Fox. If I were a Titaness, I would eat this show to hide it from my angry Titan spouse until one day it will spring, full grown, from my brow and be the most beloved of all my children. Wait, I think I'm combining Athena and Zeus. Never mind. Two bad ass ladies! One kinda mom aged! One kinda teen aged! Both frickin' bad ass! Both brunette! Awesome! (Also, if you notice, really deft structuring of the show so that we always have at least two ongoing threads -- John in high school, Sarah investigating SkyNet, plus an overarching ethical question. Love!)

The New Orthotics in My Shoes. The old orthotics were pretty good. I haven't wracked up my knees since I got them. (Except for that two mile walk on a beach full of pebbles in Ireland, but no orthotic was going to protect me from that.) The new orthotics are like sex on my feet. I put them in my shoes and suddenly there is the most delicious support underneath my arches, like wee brownies are carrying me through my day's errands. Also, these orthotics are made from hard plastic with purple felt lining, and probably won't fall apart in two years like my previous vinyl 'n foam 'n fiberglass pair.

(Anyone who tells you that nobody walks in L.A. is a liar. Because I did not wear a pair of orthotics to shit in 29 months by sitting behind the wheel of a car. )

Taking the 10 to the 405 to Sunset. I am pretty embarrassed I did not think of this sooner. But thanks to an invite to some joint @ La Cienega and Sunset, I decided to mix it up, and what do you know? Fast, easy shortcut to the mid-west side. Huzzah.

Almost Being Done with "Eclipse." I don't know when I've been more bored by a young adult novel. As of this morning, I've skipped over three hours with no regrets. Most lame development ever: Irresistible Bella wants to get it on with her sexy vampire Edward, but he's holding out UNTIL THEY'RE MARRIED. And I'm not talking about the dark gift. I'm talking about the sweaty, moan-y gift. Although Edward is also hoarding the dark gift until after the Big Day. Basically, nothing awesome can happen until they're married. P.S. The author is a Mormon. Coincidence? I think not.

(P.P.S. I have nothing against Mormons, except that apparently they write horrifically tedious young adult novels. I feel like I bought a ticket to "Cloverfield" and got tricked into watching "Pilgrim's Progress." But then I feel the same way about C.S. Lewis, so there you go.)

(P.P.P.S. Sorry for the excessive metaphoring. I promise, my next post will be completely literal.)