There, I Said It!

I don't like to waste this blog on pointless rants, but I gotta say something about Consumerist. Yeah, I'm referring to this post, submitted by Dave G:

Last week, I went into my local Gap to return a t-shirt I'd gotten as a birthday present. It was brand new, unworn, tags attached and I had the gift receipt. No problem, right?

I walked up to the cash register and indicated I wanted to make a return. Out of nowhere, the Sales Assistant takes out a machete and cuts my left arm at the shoulder. Blood everywhere, obviously. Also, it really hurt.

At this point, I asked to speak to the Manager so I could complete my return. While we waited for her, I realized my pants were going to need dry cleaning to remove the blood stains from my gushing wound. (Apparently there's a major artery in your shoulder, and it spurts like a mo-fo when cut. Who knew?)

So when the Manager finally shows up, I indicate that I'm trying to make a return, and point out that the Gap might want to compensate me for my dry cleaning, considering that the Sales Assistant created this whole problem when he cut my arm off.

The Manager looks over at the Sales Assistant (who, btw, is still holding the machete) and asks him "Is this true?"

That's when the Sales Assistant starts insisting I didn't have a receipt -- a total lie! So I reach over with my right arm, intending to fish the receipt out of my left pocket. Which would already be pretty awkward under the regular circumstances, never mind the part where I am completely covered in my own blood.

At this point, the Manager sees me go for the receipt, takes the machete from the Sales Assistant and stabs me in the eye, killing me instantly. Well, almost instantly. First it hurt like a son of a bitch. Then I died.

So, I'm writing this from heaven. My hope is that the Gap Corporation will see their way clear to letting my mom complete the return, even if the receipt is a little hard to read.

Pretty disturbing stuff, right? Okay, agreed. But here's the thing that really disturbs me -- check out the comments:

BY STINKINGBOB AT 02:22 PM What an asshole. Wah-wah-wah, I tried to make a return and paid for it with my life. What do you expect?

And this one:

BY KROVE AT 04:57 PM I think we should get the other side of this story. I mean, the Sales Assistant chopped off his arm for NO REASON? I don't buy it.

Okay, maybe he has a point. But then, read this:

BY RHYMESWIMOOD AT 07:13 AM Here's my question: Why the hell wasn't he wearing a chain mail tunic? I mean, c'mon, you're going to make a return without body armor? People like this piss me off -- one tiny thing goes wrong and it's the end of the world. And he still expects the Gap to accept his return. (What, like it's not as stained as these pants he won't shut up about?) Entitled dickweed. Some people never learn.

Seriously, Consumerist readers can blame the victim for almost anything -- a recent comment suggested that a deaf woman was a blatant troublemaker because she couldn't use a Steak 'n Shake drive-thru speaker. But this? This is going too far.