Recipe for Kate's Dream TV Show

Another homework-assignment-as-post. This time answering the question: What is my idea of a great TV show?

Ideally, it's an hour-long drama ... I love a lot of sitcoms, but they feel like friends from work you run into on the street. Your time together is so short, you really only have time for a hello, a quick cliff notes on their life at the moment and a good-bye. I much prefer meeting old friends for dinner, or having them over for an evening. Lots of time to catch up, no need to rush. That's the way I like my television.

With a season commitment from the network ... It's very hard for me to enjoy shows that might vanish before my eyes. I've been burned too many times before--"Cupid" and "Nothing Sacred" both leap to mind. It's so depressing to watch 8 episodes of a show and then find the rest of the season has vanished into the mist. This year, my love for "Veronica Mars" has been tempered by my lingering fear that I would be left holding the bag when the CW decided to cut their losses. I just read that VM got an order for a 20-episode season. Not exactly what the industry calls "the back nine," but close enough for me.

And a girl protagonist ... Michael teases me about this, but in fairness, I think most people have a powerful need to see stories about themselves or at least, individuals like them. Growing up, I was used to glimpsing the ladies in minidresses working tirelessly in the background behind Kirk and Spock, waiting patiently for the glimpse of Mary Jane in between action scenes on Spiderman. I no longer remember who was the first full-on girl hero I saw on screen. Chronologically, it was probably Princess Leia, but I don't remember very much about my first exposure to "Star Wars." Cognitively, it was either the Bionic Woman or Wonder Woman, both of which I would have watched every night of my life if allowed. Think about it: The only people you've ever seen do brave or amazing things are people so totally unlike you as to be aliens. Little girls can't look at Capt. Kirk and think "I'm going to grow up to be just like him." Then one day, someone who looks like an adult version of yourself karate kicks a bad guy. Who wouldn't be in love?

With an awesome right hook ... I have taken a solemn vow not to write any more scenes in which a girl beats the crap out of a heavy bag, nor to automatically revere any television program or movie in which a girl kicks ass. But again, I saw a lot of women in short skirts squealing as bikers shoved them into the dirt, or clenching their fists helplessly as their boyfriends were pummeled by neighborhood toughs. The day I saw Buffy (Sarah Michelle Gellar, not Kristy Swanson, I'm afraid) roundhouse a vampire, I almost fell off my chair.

And a complicated personal life... "Buffy" and "Xena" premiered at roughly the same time, and I remember hearing an NPR piece about girl-centric television. I believe an excerpt of dialogue referenced a vampire who was dressed like El Debarge. Hmmm, I thought. Sounds interesting. Then, quite by accident, I heard a radio commercial for "Buffy," in which a deep-voiced man described that Buffy was irresistibly drawn ("Who are you?" a girl interjects) to the One. Man. She. Must. Not. Be. With. ("Don't touch me," a man demands.) Dude, that is one complicated relationship. I was hooked before I saw the first episode. Over the years, I've refined this category to...


Good people making bad decisions and vice versa. The classic in this category is "The X-Files." No doubt, Fox Mulder had his reasons for wanting to uncover certain conspiracies--but it was hopeless. He was outmatched, outwitted, outschemed every step of the way. But he never stopped trying--despite the ever-present temptation to let it go and bed down with Scully. In the same category, the evil vampire Spike's crush on Buffy, and the inexplicably noble things that lead him to do will stay with me for a long time. (I will now publicly admit that I once dreamt that Spike showed up at my apartment, devastated by Buffy's cruel treatment, and I sat him down and urged him to get over her, because she was no good for him. It wasn't sexual at all--and I know that's hard to believe, if you've seen James Marsters with his shirt off. Seriously, I was just so sorry for the poor guy.) But above all else, what I really need is ...

Flawless long-term plotting. David Lynch made an excellent start with "Twin Peaks," but the guy had no idea how to hold together a television series. I believe Chris Carter meant well when he started "The X-Files," but Fox had him over a barrel, and he had no choice but to stretch out the story. And the further he stretched it, the more the seams showed. I'm inclined to think that J.J. Abrams, though by all accounts a good guy and a visionary, just doesn't have long-term storytelling chops. (It was "Alias" that taught me the difference between good fight choreography and bad--and that even the best fight choreography in the world can't help you if your viewer doesn't doubt for a minute that your heroine is going to get away scott free.) The acknowledged master, of course, is the same guy who taught me the importance of ...

Stories that help you get through the day. Nobody likes to be preached at or made to feel stupid. But somehow, without sounding sanctimonious, Joss Whedon and the Buffy writing staff taught me a lot about what it means to be an adult: The hard decisions that have to be made, the compromises you make, the way people can surprise you--and perhaps most of all, the importance of being true to yourself, whatever limits life places on you.