Texas &%$#ing Hold'Em

That's the game of choice they play in the new "Casino Royale." (Makes dismissive noise.) Has Bond switched over to margaritas, too?

I can think of no good reason to swap out the actual card game featured in the novel and countless previous Bond films--baccarat--for the crazy new game all the young'uns are so keen on. If you have no idea how the game is played, watching it explained on screen is a treat, because if you don't have $10,000 to lose in the next 10 minutes, you'll never play baccarat in real life. It's the game the Japanese tourists are playing at the lush tables in the softly-lit side rooms you walk past on your way to the craps table. It's insane-o high stakes blackjack, with a little French thrown in for good measure. What's not to love?

I'll probably see the new Bond movie once the hell weeks are behind me and I have the time to spare, but I hate this impulse to dumb things down, make them accessible, protect people from feeling a tiny spark of confusion as they watch a movie. Don't feel bad, guys! James Bond's not so different from you--see, he even plays Texas Hold'em, just like you!

Great! Now I can fantasize about being someone who's exactly like me. Awesome.