I've walked past "Beowulf" print ads the size of a small building, and for the life of me, I can't figure out why Grendel's sexy mama looks real and Beowulf looks fake. There's a weird stiffness to his neck and shoulders that makes me think of the train conductor in "Polar Express," and his eyes don't seem to focus on the same point.
I guess it's just an "uncanny valley" thing. Mama looks just like Angelina Jolie, so if there's any aspect of her appearance I don't buy, my brain shuts it off. But I don't know the guy who plays Beowulf, and when you add to that whatever minute shortcomings result from the programming that created him, my brain hits the "reject" button.
Obviously "Beowulf" is going to mint money for the next couple of weeks, and I've already heard it's given the studios some food for thought. When the author's been dead for a couple centuries, that's one last writer you have to pay!
Some projects now in the pipeline:
National Lampoon's Canterbury Tales: A road trip comedy about ramshackle van full of college students from Pilgrim College, traveling across the country to see their football team play in the Rose Bowl. When the radio goes out on the first day, the students keep things interesting by placing a series of secret bets on who will get which hot fellow traveler in the sack, which in turn leads to a never-ending series of anecdotes intended to seduce their targets (or cockblock their rivals). Look for Sarah Silverman to sign on as the Wife of Bath.
The Fairie Queene: Alan Ball is in talks to helm this allegorical tale of a Knight (Daniel Craig) who vanquishes a dragon (Helen Mirren) to win the hand of his lady (Tilda Swinton). But despite his bravery, the Knight's thoughts never stray far from his beloved Queen Elizabeth (Sir Ian McKellen).
Paradise Lost: A lot of interest in this project from George Lucas, who's looking to cast Zac Efron ("High School Musical") as the young fallen angel Satan. Lo-o-ng first half of movie follows Satan as he conducts endless strategy meetings with other angels, then there's a couple of chase scenes that lead nowhere, and finally a deafening, sfx-heavy fight sequence between the rebel angels and a God (a CGI Orson Welles).
Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God: Paul Haggis plans to write and direct this unflinching examination of how all humanity will burn in hell for its sins. Some controversy over whether Haggis crossed the line by inserting a subplot about a racist white banker (Philip Seymour Hoffman) who gets carjacked by an HIV-positive Latina social worker (Salma Hayek).
Lines Composed a Few Miles Above Tintern Abbey: Nicolas Cage is set to star as a middle-aged accountant who, inspired by a walking tour of England, tries to correct past wrongs. In the final scene, we discover that the entire movie was the final hallucination of a man dying from autoerotic asphyxiation gone wrong. David Lynch attached to direct.
(Additional reporting contributed by Michael Gerber.)
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2 comments:
After reading about the films in the pipeline, I wish I could travel to the summer of 2009 right now. Where is a time-traveling machine when I need one?
brilliant. but you forgot Hamlet, starring Cate Blanchett as Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, and John Travolta as the queen.
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